That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
