just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
