talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
