Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize