for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
