The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
