Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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