Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
