just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All the doctor said was why
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
