2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
