Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
