Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
