I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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