well I can't set my house on fire every night
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
