my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
