So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
