THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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