:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
