my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize