Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
