A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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