We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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