...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
