I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
