Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
