I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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