Me too!
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
