Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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