If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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