Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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