Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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