Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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