summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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