Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
