census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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