plz talk dirty to me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
