she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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