well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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