He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize