i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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