Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i now understand why vodka
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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