just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
