If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just found a bag of teeth...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
