he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize