I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
