You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
