if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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