that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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