He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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