i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
