IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
