Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
