Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
