I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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