Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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