thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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