More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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