omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
