My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
